plateau2
15-06-2010, 13:01
Soccer flops USA failed to beat minnows Englandland in their opening World Cup match-up Saturday, leaving the flapping Eagles sweating on next round qualification.
Despite being handed the game on a plate by douchebag limey netminder Rob Green, the overpaid stars of USA could not get the job done.
Crisis coach Bob Bradley was left squirming by a poor performance that showed glaring weakness in personnel all over the field.
Against a willing but limited opponent, overhyped midfielder stars Landon Donovan and Clint Dempsey could not find the quality needed to unpick the dogged Englandland defense.
Spanish coach Fabio Capello played his favoured battery of old, slow central defenders who get injured a lot, and a bank of hard-running but naïve centrefielders including Frank Q. Lampard, Steve Gerrard and Aaron Wright-Walcott, a lightning fast track-and-field all-star who had never seen a soccerball prior to World Cup 2010.
It is telling that the European minnows - who did not even qualify for the continental competition Europe 2008 - were forced to start Emily Heskey in offense. The powerforward has only ever scored five goals at international soccerball level, despite dressing 59 times for his country.
In a country of 60 million people, soccerball comes only fifth or sixth on the chart of popular sports, behind binge drinking, casual violence, appearing on The X Factor, cricketball, ruggers and talking about the weather.
Yet even these modest resources proved more than adequate to earn a tie against Bradley's bozos, and delighted Englandland rooters celebrated long into the night, chanting "UK! UK! UK!" and "Two World Wars and one oil spill".
As for USA, yet again, a tournament that started out full of optimism has turned to disappointment and it is the duty of our national press to identify the culprits and ensure that they are hounded like the commie jackal pigs they are.
Chief offender on the night was DOZY Altidore, who failed to score when one-on-one with the hapless Green. His weak groundstrike was parried onto the upright by the rookie netminder, and USA's best chance of the win was shot.
Bradley must now justify his huge salary by getting the team ready for must-win match-ups against Sloverbia and Al-Qaeda.
Despite being handed the game on a plate by douchebag limey netminder Rob Green, the overpaid stars of USA could not get the job done.
Crisis coach Bob Bradley was left squirming by a poor performance that showed glaring weakness in personnel all over the field.
Against a willing but limited opponent, overhyped midfielder stars Landon Donovan and Clint Dempsey could not find the quality needed to unpick the dogged Englandland defense.
Spanish coach Fabio Capello played his favoured battery of old, slow central defenders who get injured a lot, and a bank of hard-running but naïve centrefielders including Frank Q. Lampard, Steve Gerrard and Aaron Wright-Walcott, a lightning fast track-and-field all-star who had never seen a soccerball prior to World Cup 2010.
It is telling that the European minnows - who did not even qualify for the continental competition Europe 2008 - were forced to start Emily Heskey in offense. The powerforward has only ever scored five goals at international soccerball level, despite dressing 59 times for his country.
In a country of 60 million people, soccerball comes only fifth or sixth on the chart of popular sports, behind binge drinking, casual violence, appearing on The X Factor, cricketball, ruggers and talking about the weather.
Yet even these modest resources proved more than adequate to earn a tie against Bradley's bozos, and delighted Englandland rooters celebrated long into the night, chanting "UK! UK! UK!" and "Two World Wars and one oil spill".
As for USA, yet again, a tournament that started out full of optimism has turned to disappointment and it is the duty of our national press to identify the culprits and ensure that they are hounded like the commie jackal pigs they are.
Chief offender on the night was DOZY Altidore, who failed to score when one-on-one with the hapless Green. His weak groundstrike was parried onto the upright by the rookie netminder, and USA's best chance of the win was shot.
Bradley must now justify his huge salary by getting the team ready for must-win match-ups against Sloverbia and Al-Qaeda.